We sit in silence as unlimited recycled air swirls from the conditioner causing the biggest sigh of the day, I watch you menacingly staring forward, your chest rocking back and forth like a ship as carbon dioxide makes the great escape from your nostrils. You can sense the atmosphere being chopped to pieces by the serial killer that is adultery, you know that it is happening, you know that you need to escape but the doors are locked and your body is unwilling to move in it's foreboding comatose. Butterflies treat my stomach like the London tube, fighting for their own space and the chance to break into my throat and achieve that one gasp of air before they fall to a hopeless unfulfilled death. I try to gather together the spaghetti alphabet of words, something graceful, something beautiful for her to remember me by, nothing spiteful and no, not any lies either, no lies this time. There is a warmth in my coffee tainted breath as I whisper the word 'sorry', I speak with good intentions but she can see past the sleepless bags under my eyes and into the soul that's telling her that I don't believe in that one word....and I don't, not in the word and not in her, not anymore. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault that my world stopped turning, it wasn't my fault that she couldn't keep my heart beating, if only she'd turn on the car so we could just keep moving, everything would be okay.