Incredible.

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"Come, maiden," said the rabbit, "sit on my tail and go with me to my rabbit-hutch."

This is very cool. But I think it would be better if you took out some of the commas; it would read better and seem more naturally fluid. For example, in the first stanza, if you left out the comma after 'armor-plated' and after 'suit and tie' it would at once appear more forceful. A comma, when read, generally indicates a pause and a pause indicates a passive voice. I think this work would be at once be more forceful with the exclusion of certain commas and take on an active voice, a voice closer to the narrator's own thoughts about the subject. As for the subject, excellent satire through sarcasm.

Also, I think the second stanza would sound better like this:
We've got a briefcase,
With subtle notes and business plans,
Pennies and dimes.
Because you think they're lucky, you think they're successful.


Bah but maybe i'm entirely wrong and shouldnt tread all over this work.

Job well done in the end.

Yeah, the comma thing is just a natural its the end of a line must put a comma thing which i really need to get out of the habit of doing ahahah!

Thanks for the help :]

Aww thanks

Anytime. It was an amazing work.

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"Come, maiden," said the rabbit, "sit on my tail and go with me to my rabbit-hutch."

Wow, I love the conciseness (is that a word) of this piece. I think the first three stanzas are pearticularly good. The lines "just the way we like / to see our girls" has so much impact. Great job!

:] Thanks!

aHH LiKE.

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"we are all giants, raised by pigmies, who have learned to walk with a perpetual mental crouch."
-robert anton wilson.